For this conference project, I intended to use after effects to recreate repeating scenes in my dream when I was a child. I believe most of us share the same experience of entering the same dream. When I was a child, I used to see kaleidoscopes before I went to bed and climb into and out of wells as I entered my dreams. When I had fever (even before I knew I would have a fever), I would dream of climbing on cement walls with cement balls crushing on my back. I also repeatedly dreamed of walking into a kindergarten with students and teachers with just three kinds of faces, my parents and I. Sometimes I could see two parallel worlds in my vision. These nightmare-like dreams had given me a lot of pressure, but I wanted to put them into a more joyful theme for this conference project.
After the trip to Japan during this spring break, I made several collages about color palettes I enjoyed for my printmaking class. I decided to introduce pastel colors in spring, for example, green, yellow, pink. into my video. I also picked out a song made by a Japanese musician to go with my project. This aesthetics are influenced by music I listen to on soundcloud. They are some artists from PC music, a record label, for example, Hannah Diamond and QT. I enjoyed the bright and synthetic characteristics with a hint of loneliness and disappointment of it. For my conference project, I hope to combine intimidating images with delightful colors.
I was able to recreate the kaleidoscope accurately. I took an image of traditional candy in Japan and photoshoped it so the color fit my theme. it was hard for other images since I didn’t have a specific image for other dreams and it was way more effort to put in than I planned to and more technique beyond my capability. Thus, I tried to simplify images into abstract shapes and outlines. Some of the most difficult things to make was on the 3D layers. Because I had so many layers, I had to create combine several after effect files into one in order to create animations in a faster and easier way. I was glad to pick up some new techniques (wave effect, adjustment layer, cc sphere, reversing the direction of a layer) after I followed tutorials on Youtube.
As I was creating the animation, I kept reminding myself to limit my choices, organize the video into sections and repeat motions and form. I enjoyed the use of echo effect from background in 2d layer to foreground in a 3d layer. Same for the kaleidoscope effect, I introduced this animation twice in the beginning and the end of the video. This decision was inspired my dream: I used climb in and out of the same well as I enter and leave my dream world. I also loved the parallel layer with particles and tunnels and the next section with wave and ball form. I was inspired Ben’s amazing tunnels and Clark’s storyboard in her little robot animation (sudden zoom-in and zoom-out).
In my conference, Angela suggested me to introduce more parallel/horizon line effect and animate the rotation of horizon line as the parallel world separates. I agree that these adjustments would make audiences more drawn into the video and make my video more cohesive, but unfortunately I did not have the time to do so. I also regret that I could not figure out the best way to make the kindergarten sections. Using just the trim line effect makes the section too plain compared to other ones. I wanted to use more specific images like pictures of my family, but I found the style contrast with other sections too much. So I decided to use outlines of images of interaction between students and teachers I found on line. In summary, I hope my video could have a more consistent story line or a clear expression in my content instead of putting together separate dream images with nothing common.
For my conference I decided to animate a poem of mine. It goes like this:
Adonis The Bussy Boy!
I wish I could flay you alive my love
Let me step into your skin
Let me cast you out
I deserve the cloak of your lean muscled body
I deserve your dick and your chiseled jaw
While your consciousness lays
Broken on the floor
Sometimes in my dreams my breasts fall off
I see them rolling on the floor
And out of the holes come stars
But for now I must suckle and worship you
With the big cock I want
Attached to me
I cannot help but look at all of you
And wonder if bathing in your blood would make me a true Adonis
The Adonis that drinks too much
And is eccentric
And goes on benders
And bends you over
And leaves you with big purple love bites
I settle with fucking you
If I can’t take your body
I will have you inside me
Your scent will mingle with mine
And soft kisses
Will replace snatching your skin
And the sight of my own eight inch dick.
Now that this is here, let me take the poem and video apart for you.
The Title- The title makes reference to Adonis, a man so handsome that Aphrodite fell in live with him and uses the term bussy, a slang term for boy pussy. This title proclaims that this man is both handsome and is trans. In the trigger warning before the title I mention how the poem and video can be triggering to viewers due to sexual themes and disturbing imagery. However I end it with a provocation. Throughout my life I have had to prove and defend my identity, and it has become a near reflex. The title itself is text following a path, with my legs cut out and with an animated gradient. I am wearing fishnets and converse for the following reasons: its a look, it goes against heteronormativity, and fishnets have a long history if being associated with sex.
Stanza One- This stanza is about the experience of sleeping with someone for the following reasons: because you want to look like him and because you’re sexually attracted to him. However you can’t let anyone but yourself know this because you’re still stuck in the closet. This experience is violent. In the video I have cut up the lines of this stanza, and have timed them so they flow across the screen a different speeds and times. I use a fractal with color changes to keep time to the music. In addition I have looped four rotating peaches and included a distorted video of me cutting up a kiwi. This is a play and take on the word/ slur “fruit”. I am a fruit cutting up a fruit and the peaches amplify that. My goal with the kiwis was to disturb viewers so they can understand the bare minimum of my experience.
Stanza Two- This stanza is a reference to my future chest, but in the past it was just a distant dream and how to the man I was sleeping with, they were beautiful while I found them horrific. In the video I use a noise and particle effect to create the idea of the cosmos and over this I used a series of flashing images that represent sexual intimacy (I have taken inspiration for the later episodes of Neon Genesis Evangelion). This section to me reads as the “body” section.
Stanza Three- In this stanza I make it explicit that I desire this man as a man would and how if he recognized that and/ or I was out as one, the experience would have been one of mutual power in addition to one of sexual gratification and validation.
Stanza Four- The final stanza is me accepting that in this encounter, this man will never see me as a man, so instead I settle with being physically animate with him, which is what I want, while recognizing that I need to transition.
For stanzas three and four in the video I incorporate them both over a video of myself that my current boyfriend took. In the video he asks me to draw certain things and we talk. The video represents my present: I am an out gay and trans man with a partner that loves and respects me as I respect him. The text however represents the past but is also a declaration of my resilience and happiness to it. Within this section I incorporate the pink triangle and a double mars symbol, both symbols of gay identity.
This piece feels like a baby to me. It is a symbol of my masculinity and vulnerability. It marks a point in my evolution as an artists and person and is a reminder for how far I’ve come. Also if you’re the dude from this past encounter and reading this: I lusted and had sex with you as a man, and even though I was closeted, you can’t take that away from me.
The sheer variety and depth of detail that can be created through text animation in After Effects is one of the aspects of the program I find most appealing, so this particular project was quite exciting. In choosing what text to work with, I knew I wanted to use one of my original poems, as animating my own writing struck me as a fascinating challenge. I began by quickly selecting three of my already written and polished poems for more detailed consideration. Two of the three are slam poems in a very direct, personal, confrontational style. One of these, Bias Society, is a reflective piece on gun violence, and the other is an untitled piece in the style of an open letter, written as an assertion of self-identity in claiming the label autistic. Both of these poems are deeply personal and rather emotionally fraught, and once I determined that I was more interested in working on lighter subject-matter at the time, I decided to work with the third poem, Roses. Roses is a Shakespearean sonnet, written as a playful allegory, and is one of my favorite poems I have ever written, so it was a rather ideal choice overall.
In my ideation process, I began by going through the poem line by line, thinking about how I would visualize the feelings and rhythm that the sonnet evokes in my mind, and making notes on how I might go about animating those things. While brainstorming for the animation of my poem, I focused on emphasizing motifs in the imagery I sought to create. These motifs include that of the sprout effect indicating that text refers to one of the types of flowers, and the background reflecting the shift in seasons over the course of the poem. I was extremely conflicted over what sort of sound to use in this piece. I normally strongly prefer to work with music, but my sonnets have a very definite sound and rhythm in my mind, one with which any music would inevitably conflict. Eventually, I settled on using subtle background sound effects, in order to very gently reinforce the theme of changing seasons, without detracting from the poem’s inherent rhythm.
I personally find that every font feels different to me, and so I put a lot of thought into what fonts I would use. The baseline font, Nueva Std Italic, is meant to be smooth and flowing, like the patterned structure of a sonnet, without being too complex, so as not to distract from animations and other imagery. The two accent fonts, Script MT Bold for emphasis and Courier New for orderliness, are each used very sparingly, in order to better convey the meaning of specific phrases. The roses font, Lucida Calligraphy, is one that I find evocative of aristocratic mannerisms, chosen to subtly convey that the roses in the poem are representative of a ruling class, in the poem’s allegorical structure. As I was unsatisfied with any fonts available on my computer already for the wildflower and weather fonts, I went looking for fonts which are evocative of nature online, eventually deciding on LiveLaughLove for wildflowers, and Virginia Sky for weather. The irregular size and sans-serif letters of LiveLaughLove, along with its slightly rough edges, felt just wild enough to evoke the transgressive feeling of encountering wildflowers, while still being readable. The plentiful loops and feathering of Virginia Sky felt evocative of clouds and the sense of changing weather to me, making this font perfectly suited for weather.
Once I moved from ideation into animating this poem in after effects, I found it was both incredibly time consuming and highly engaging. Most of my time in the software was spent working without sound, as the rhythm of the project is fundamentally independent from the sound elements. Through this process, I noticed that I tend to compress my effects over a shorter amount to time than I initially anticipate, which made my project short but very dense.
Figuring out how to animate text around the path of an irregular image in a way that looked sufficiently smooth, as I did for the phrase “By touch of human hand”, was especially challenging. I first tried to convert the image of the hand to a path in illustrator, but quickly realized that the outline without the image made for a very strange looking animation in after effects. I then made several iterations of the image of the hand in photoshop, eventually determining, through trial and error, that leaving whitespace inside the hand for contrast, and some whitespace between the fingers to smooth the path for animation purposes, worked best.
The animation of the line pictured above was also quite challenging. I knew from the start that I definitely wanted the phrase “The roses’ shadow” to be in ray traced 3D, which was a bit of a pain to work with, but not the main challenge. I originally intended to use the shadow of the actual words “The roses’ shadow” as the shadow element in this scene, before realizing while working with the image that that isn’t how shadows in after effects work. I improvised, making the shadow shapes from inverted, curved star shapes, and lowering the opacity of the shape layer so it looked like a shadow. This improvisation allowed me to layer text on top of and underneath the shadow layer, creating a subtle darkening effect on certain words.
Upon reflection, while this project has been incredibly time consuming, I am reasonably happy with the result. I was able to produce a satisfactory approximation of what I imagined in my ideation, and did not encounter any problems that I found insurmountable along the way.
Update: Conference Edits
My goal in editing my Kinetic Text project was to refine the composition, making it more fluid in general, and making the transition section smoother and less awkward. The first step I took in doing this was to get feedback on the first version of the composition from several people. This feedback indicated that text transitions were too fast on two of the lines, such that I needed to extend their animation over more time, some of the green text did not contrast enough with the background, the transition section was too long and slow, and the sound transition was not noticeable enough. Implementing changes based on this feedback was straightforward, the challenge coming from learning how to change the timing of one section, while not impacting the timing of subsequent sections. I also realized I could pre-render individual precomps during this process, and this was extremely helpful, as it allowed me to reduce the strain on my computer’s resources from such a large and complex composition, drastically reducing overall time spent rendering, and preventing further After Effects crashes. Overall, I’m quite satisfied with the finished composition. As it was my first time doing detailed text animation work, I’m very pleased at the degree to which the composition resembles what I initially imagined while brainstorming, and look forward to using the skills I learned in future projects.
Part 1: “Time”
This part of the conference follows in the footstep of my kinetic text project. I really enjoyed the phone themed soundscape I created in that project and wanted to do another one with the theme of clocks and the passage of time.
The idea started out very vague. I started out with two graphics made in illustrator. They were both the same picture structurally. However, they had drastically different color palettes one was for night and had the moon and stars. The other was for day and had blue sky and the sun. I wanted to make different types of transitions between these two graphic. I also had all the elements of these graphics on seperate layers. So when I imported the Illustrator composition I was able to play around with each them.
I was originally going to start by making the clock hands move on the wall clock as the two graphics fade in and out of eachother. Then I found the clock wipe effect and key framed it to move like clock hands to the sound effect of an atypical ticking clock . The hands on the actual clock stay still as to not draw attention away from the clock wipe and the transition of the color scheme. I also keyframed the sound so that when the clock wipe transitions to the night graphic cricket sounds get louder. As it transitions to the day bird chirping get louder.
I then started playing around with the elements of the graphics individually. After some trial and error I settled on superimposing the sun and moon on different clocks hanging down from string with a drop shadow. I left the background gray to make it seem like the clock was in an empty space separate from the two graphics in the beginning. These clocks were accompanied with a fast moving clock hand keyframed to a ticking timer sound.
I bounced back and forth between the clocks in the empty space and the two graphics. I ended with a clock that had both the moon and the sun superimposed on it as well as a transition to its corresponding graphic with both the color schemes of the previous graphics blended on top. I also had a clock-strike-the-hour sound to bring the piece to a close. This ended up being one of my slower paced pieces but I do take pride in what I was able to to accomplish when limiting my resources. I also think the slow pacing enhances the experience by forcing the viewer to focus on sound more.
Part 2: “Factory”
Despite the fact that Part I is called”Time”, I actually created Part II“Factory” first. I decided to switch the order of them up because it seemed more appealing to start out slow and end with a fast paced bang to leave a lasting impact. I started with this idea of a helpless character being trapped in a factory with a bunch of other helpless characters. The piece would end with the character being encased in a box on a shelf with the other characters in the factory.
I thought of animating it to dubstep music of some sort but I did not have any particular soundtrack in mind. I searched the web to see if I could find something that I could work with and saved ones that interested me. There were not too many soundtracks that sounded good for my piece.
I was having so much trouble finding a soundtrack that I was considering just creating a soundscape consisting of factory sounds, but I really just wanted to animate to music on this project. I ended up coming back to one of the soundtracks I already went through. I listened to it again and realized it has a lot more of the somber tone I was looking for.
I made tons of thumbnails and sketches for the characters and background. I wanted to keep things simple since this was my first time animating in After Effects. The character was essentially a square with big eyes and simply shaped limbs that float in mid air without physical connection to the body. Although this character was easy to create it was a bit more complicated to animate. I thought that I would try using the puppet tool to move my character. However, since my character’s limbs were not connected to its body the puppet tool treated every part like it was its own character. This made animating really awkward because the slightest movement could split the shape I made in half. I decided to use keyframing instead. Most of the animation involved keyframing the position and rotation of each part. I used a mask on the eyes to give the illusion of them moving around the head. As I settled into using this new animation method I was able to apply what I already learned from previous 2D animation courses.
I kept the background as simple as the character. Pretty much everything was a square or circle shape with the exception of the characters limbs. The machine claw was as complicated as the design got.
When it came to color scheme I was thinking of making the main character as the only one with a black fill and white outline. I was going to make all the others different colors to help the main character stick out more. I decided against this idea since keeping everything grayscale would help with the gloomy factory theme. Thus all the character are the same exact shape and size to further emphasize this theme. I ended up making the main character stand out more by their actions, as they are the only ones struggling to break free from the assembly line.
My project ended up coming to only 1 minute and 14 seconds of work but being that I am studying animation I was not all that surprised. I am used to it taking weeks or months just for a cartoon short. This method of animation took some getting used to but I did end up appreciating the convenience of it (this coming from someone who is used to animating frame by frame). I still managed to tell a full story and I am happy with the results.
Conference Post by Izzy Singer
‘Blue’ and ‘Tomorrow’ are a personal exercise in visualizing music. Music is an influence in all of my art. I am very sensitive to the moods or stories portrayed in songs. Abstract representations are in conflict with my traditional animation background, however, finding a link between emotions and movement became a challenging and fun task that I took on for my Conference.
I did not storyboard, I am sorry to say.
My After Effects pieces take shape based on a single song, album or Spotify Playlist. So for each roughly 3 minute-long piece I tried to choose songs that I had become too familiar with at one point in time. I chose ‘Ring (feat. Kehlani)’ by Cardi B and ‘Tomorrow Comes Today’ by Gorillaz.
Due to K. West’s recent political endorsement this song has lost my love. His actions in the last week were so sudden that I was not prepared to speak about it in my blog post but I believe it is necessary. I also changed the song and name of my video from ‘Blue Morning’ to ‘Blue’ and from ‘Good Morning’ to Cardi B’s ‘Ring’ from her new album, ‘Invasion of Privacy’. For the sake of understanding why I originally picked ‘Good Morning’ I am going to analyze the song itself and add some more personal information. I listened to Kanye West’s ‘Good Morning’, sparsely a few months before, religiously for three weeks before, and consecutively a few hours before, my High School Graduation. It was a big deal to graduate High School because of my life-long struggle with learning disabilities. It was also a big deal because for the first time I would not be coming back to a place that already knew I had disabilities. I would be on my own and I would have to put what little wordly experience and wit I had into protecting and supporting myself through college. At the time of my graduation from High School, his song was a magical mix of cynical with a hopeful and hypnotic melody of “oooh’s”. He peers into the idea of growing up, or rather, “waking up”. Now, I cannot relate to his experiences as a black man which he references consistently throughout the song, but in all honesty, lyrics hold a 40% value to me when I listen to a song. His lyrics hold importance as does the composition of the piece, the “oohooh” vocals, echoing beats and electric-almost-old-timey-sounding piano. I’ve used the words hypnotic, hopeful, cynical; for the most part it is melancholiac, nostalgic. A graduation is a time for reflection because it is an end. It tosses a person into the ring. And, as it happens, I am graduating again. This time into the world. So what color to best represent a little sadness and nostalgia? Blue. ‘Ring’ also encapsulates this sadness. It comes from fresh wounds. It is romantic. And there is something about it that rocks me to sleep and gives me a feeling of validation.
I used a vibrant blue against a black background and tried to keep the particle movements as atmospheric as I could. There are no 3D effects in the work but I love the deep-space look that expanding particles along the Z Radius can create and I played with that a lot while I worked. Once the second chorus began I sought ways to keep the video engaging while sticking to the Z-Radius format. I had begun the video with an immense amount of orbs and circular objects so I moved away from it for a moment to introduce them in an alternative way. I also introduced a new color: red.
By the end of the video I reverted back to faded orbs and circular objects with pink tones.Tomorrow ‘Tomorrow Comes Today’ by the Gorillaz interlude is very similar to Good Morning but it has a message that comes from a different ideology. Almost all songs by the Gorillaz has some joke or irony in it. I found Gorillaz a year ago and now associate the songs with certain friends who have become very important to me, as well as my own darker shade of humor and love of weird animated art. The personal connection may seem less deep but if bonding over a band is an experience that you can relate to then please understand it was very meaningful for me. I do not bond with others easily, or find artists who make me feel “got”. Where K. West goes big out of ego, the Gorillaz go big for the sake of absurdity and fun political satire. (Gorillaz’s last album was a criticism of conservatism and party culture so we shouldn’t be expecting any hasty Pro-Trump tweets from them.) There is something sarcastically gung-ho about ‘Tomorrow…’ so I wanted to keep it as separate from Blue Morning as I could. I also felt that in the lead singer, 2D’s, voice there is a groundedness and earthiness that always compliments the traveling sounds of the instruments in the background. The earthiness I conjured by creating textured patterns in photoshop. I plugged those into After Effects and played with Kaleida and Color Change. Unlike Blue Morning I could not imagine one color to signify the song. I pushed it beyond what I usually like (not too many bright colors) and attempted to even the whole thing out with a slow-moving star on the side. A slow-moving thing against an insane background was something I thought captured Gorillaz’s irony very well. It’s almost kinda funny looking. So it is perfect. Once the second part of ‘Tomorrow…’ began I made a very dramatic change to small particles. I tried to keep it from being too linear for as long as I could. I created a ghostly background and had the star fade out for a time as the particles split across the screen. Once I got there, however, I created a linear path by making a vortex of the particles and moving it across like a tornado. I wanted the realistic quality to make an impression during a longer and mellow-er part of the song to keep attention. The end of it centers around the dark background, moving star, and very sparse particles on the screen. The irony in Gorillaz’s songs are very broad but also dark. In the end it is fair to admit that there is something very ominous about ‘Tomorrow Comes Today’ that deserve a still-ish end.
I am not a writer, but I chose to write text that describes myself so that I would be happy with my words. I decided to explain “where I am from?” through this work because this question has bothered me and my family all the time. I felt awkward, embarrassed, annoyed by answering this question because my answer is so specific and detailed that might put stress on the people who are asking. However, it is necessary to explain myself to meet new people as I move to different places almost every year. I thought creating a video for this question I encounter frequently could be a wise and fun solution.
The title and the palette are representational of the text. I named the piece “Tillandsia”, the Latin name for Air plant, a kind of plant that has no root. I thought I share the similarity of not having a fixative “root”, or a “home”, with the plant. In addition, I had one air plant in my room. I appreciated its accompany, so I want to dedicate this piece to my air plant too. I kept the palette for the piece to be black and white because these colors are either a result of mixing all the colors or having no “color” in it. This is the same as my hometowns. I can from everywhere, but nowhere.
I kept the whole piece the minimalism style because I wanted to try making something “clean” instead of the complex effect combination in the first prompt. I find limiting myself with certain fonts, effects, pattern and motion to be very useful in organizing a long piece. It can make my piece feel more polished and finished instead of a project made by a beginner in after effects who wants to try out all the cool things. I intended to let the audiences to focus on the meaning of the words and the graphics. Moreover, by doing this, the visual effect will incorporate with the music very well. In this video, I used regular and alternating rhythms frequently. I have my words contrasting in the direction of up and down, left and right, clockwise and counter clockwise. I repeated the rotating and typewriter motion throughout the piece. These strategies make reading text in various directions more dynamic.
In the beginning, I organized my text into four sections so that each section will have its own signature motion. The first part is the conversation between the asker and me. Originally, I was planning to use two different colors to distinguish the asker and me, but I gave up the idea because I wanted to keep my video as simple as possible. I decided to layout according to the messages on our phone with the same font. I adjusted the pace of typewriter in “…” to strengthen my hesitation in answering the question, just like how I feel in a normal conversation. For the part where there are multiple detailed questions, I used variations of grey and eight different fonts to suggest that they are asked by different people. Still, I insisted on organizing them into vertical lines and using the same trim line effect while introducing the questions and fading out them. Toward the end of the first part, I changed the reading direction of the text to circular. The crossing and almost unreadable text is to suggest that I am a combination of the answers and the answers are not important to me. It also became the transition to the third part of the piece.
The second part is the explanation of places that are important to me. I struggled about the layout for the text for the origins of my family members. At first, I wanted to create paths with outlines of provinces on the map, or making a shape of the map of china, or using signs that marks locations on google map, or making a family tree. Yet, I reminded myself not to over design the video, so I continued using the same effect from the last section and modified a bit. I varied the fonts and changed the size and pattern of the circle to keep the piece connected and moving. It was difficult to layout the circles on a diagonal in rectangle too. I’ve thought of multiple ways in putting them. When it comes to introducing my story, I brought back the typewriter effect and enlarged the locations to fill the screen. This was inspired by Young Hae Chang. It should be noted that each line with the typewriter effect follows order throughout the video. The asker is always on the left. I am always on the right. The latest sentence is always closer to the bottom of the screen than the previous one.
The third part is my reflection on the experience. I kept the keywords, Home and 家, large because they appear frequently in the text of this section. I incorporated rotation on 3d layers to bring in some changes. The keywords rotate by themselves instead of following a path of a circle. Toward to the end of this section, I introduced the particle effect to create changes on the background. I lost some patience in keeping the text graphical so I just threw in a number of animation presets that follow the meaning of some words. The last part is my own ultimate answer to where my home is. I laid them out on the central axis, kept each word far away and used three languages.
The only other two difficulties I haven’t mentioned are deciding where to use masks and adjusting the speed of key frames on the text. Especially, at the end of the third section, I rushed on some lines. I am planning to make my video smoother this week.
I revised my kinetic text piece as part of my conference work. For this revision, I made small adjustments throughout the piece and assessed the music that I picked. I took the ‘surrender’s’ off-screen more carefully. I changed the transition from ‘basketball shorts’ to the line about 8th grade so that if was smoother and just continued the bouncing of ‘basketball shorts’. Something happened with my software, so the bouncing is no longer there, but I will put it back eventually. This piece is still not completely perfected to how I want it to be, but it is complete for the purposes of this class. I took out the tile effect on the ‘baby dykes’ because I felt like it was too chaotic and brought too much focus to this piece when the core of this piece is not about being queer. After watching videos in class, I noticed the value of not filling up the entire screen and leaving time to appreciate each text animation, so I took of some of the lines in the stanza that begins with ‘I hate’ off screen and then put brought them on screen more slowly. Besides mechanical adjustments, I had some qualms with the music I chose for this piece. Many of these qualms came from wanting to re-create my spoken word poem. When I perform this piece, I feel so empowered because while parts of it are sad, there are other parts that touch on working towards a place of accepting my body and vision loss. The music I chose is incredibly sad, but my class thought that it fit the piece. I worried that the music didn’t fit the beginning of the piece when I’m talking about being a gay and wearing ‘boys’ clothes. However, I now like this music at the beginning because it provides a foreshadow and a warning sign.